The Conviction of Motherhood (Building Trust With Your Kids)

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” bg_image_animation=”none”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_link_target=”_self” column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_width_inherit=”default” tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid” bg_image_animation=”none”][divider line_type=”No Line” custom_height=”10″][vc_column_text]

Conviction.

 

I love that word.

Conviction. It simply means a firmly held belief or opinion.

We live in a world where people have strong beliefs about anything and everything. Yet somehow many people allow their heartfelt beliefs to wane under pressure.

If we, as mothers, don’t stand firm in what we say and do, than what’s the point? If we tell our children one thing in one moment and then change our minds in the next, what will they think of us?

What do you think about people who can’t keep their convictions?

Success Comes From Conviction

Let’s use Amazon as an example (one of my favorite places to shop).

Imagine you were online on Amazon.com ordering a cute new pair of shoes for your toddler. You place the order and receive the confirmation that the shoes will arrive in the next 3-5 business days.

Now what would happen if on day 7 the shoes had not yet arrived on your doorstep? I will tell you what would happen –the trust you had for Amazon would begin to diminish.

And you know what? You wouldn’t worry about it too much on the next order you placed. You’d still trust that you’d get your products on time.

But what if Amazon failed to deliver products to you 3 times in a row? What about 5 times? 10 times? Would you keep ordering online from Amazon?

No. Because they would’ve lost your trust!

Amazon would not be the thriving company it is today if it didn’t keep its promises.

Amazon has built TRUST with its customers and because of that, is a multi-billion dollar, global company.

Success comes from building trust through establishing convictions.

The same is true when it comes to the relationship between you and your child.

Can your child trust you? When you say “No” can your child trust that as your final answer? When you as a mother make a decision, do you stick to it?

Let me tell you why this issue is so important when it comes to motherhood.

The Word of God says that a “double-minded man is unstable in all of his ways”. When you allow your child to frequently change your mind you appear to be unstable to your child.

Your children become uncertain that they can trust what you say. This can become very dangerous.

Creating trust through conviction is key to parenting!

This world is full of so much uncertainty. I for one, do not want to be a person that people –including my children– cannot be certain of.

I want to be reliable. I want my “yes” to be “yes” and my “no” to be “no.”

When I tell someone that I will be somewhere at a certain time, I will do all that I can to be where I said I would be at the agreed upon time.

Do you know why?

I value being a trustworthy person –even more so, I value the people who trust me (and those who don’t yet).

How We Become Untrustworthy

We don’t mean to be untrustworthy. We make a small decision to do something and then we forget to do it. Or we lose track of time. Or some seeming emergency comes up and steals away our time.

These reasons (also called excuses) brand us and label us as irresponsible, uncaring and untrustworthy.

I hate to say it, but when we consistently allow these excuses to creep into our day-to-day parenting, we become untrustworthy parents.

When we choose to do something that is not trustworthy, we are teaching our children that it is okay for them to be untrustworthy. They WILL follow our example. Suddenly, their “yes” isn’t a “yes” and their “no” isn’t a “no.”

Furthermore, we are telling them “even though mom just said no, maybe if you cry enough or complain enough I might say yes.”

Effectively, you are giving your children the right to lead and rule the house.

I know all of this might sound harsh and I am not saying that I have never gone back on my word, but I have made a conviction that I will say what I mean and mean what I say.

 

How We Become Trustworthy

The beautiful thing is that if you have messed up in this area there is hope!

Whether you’ve lost a little “street cred.” with your little ones or you are facing your child’s perception of full-blown unreliability, there are two key things you can do to build or rebuild trust.

1. LOVE LIKE CRAZY!

I am certain you do love your children like crazy. As moms, it’s only natural to love our kids like nothing else –we were made to love them well.

That being said, make sure they know it and you show it. Kids adopt the values of those who value them most. When you intentionally demonstrate care for them, they will have an easier time trusting what you say and do.

As moms, we have a lot to accomplish every hour of every day. Between cooking, cleaning, getting groceries and getting our kids off to school there is so much to do. Make sure amidst all the crazy, fast-paced activity you find time to be intentional with your child.

Building trust creates an atmosphere of safety for your kids

2. MAKE DECISIONS CAREFULLY AND FOLLOW THROUGH.

Early on I learned that when I said something to my children it was very important to stick to it, whether positive or negative. I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep. So if I tell my daughter I am going to take her on a special date in a couple of days I need to make sure I make that happen to the best of my ability.

Or if I tell my son he is going to be put in time out if he whines about putting his toys away, then I need to make sure that happens.

This is why it is so important to make careful decisions before we let anything come out of our mouths –especially in front of our children.

It drives me crazy when a parent tells a child “if you do that again you are going to be disciplined” and then I watch the child do… “that”… again, and… again… with no consequence.

This pattern of parenting teaches your kids a couple of things: 1. Your words have no weight 2. your child’s actions don’t necessarily have any consequences.

Unfortunately, as our children grow into adults they will find out rather quickly that their actions do have consequences and its not gonna be a fun lesson to learn late in life!

If we as parents are not following through then the real world is going to be a very scary place for our children.

The bottom line is this.

We can either pay now or pay later.

We can work hard at developing children with strong character or we can pay later having teenagers with no moral compass and no respect for their authorities.

 

This may sound harsh or scary, but its true.

 

We can’t ignore the weightiness of our roles as mothers. This responsibility of motherhood is no easy task. But you are designed for this. You were created to be the mother of the children you have and YOU can do this.

Some days I honestly feel like giving up; I feel like not following through. I feel like just letting my kids get away with their bad behavior, but then I think about how much harder it will be the next day.

Today’s lack of concern becomes tomorrow’s emergency.

Each time I want to give up and give in, I decide to be strong –even when I feel weak.

I look at the faces of my children and think “they are worth it!” They are worth all of it. All the times I have to be the tough mom, all the times I have to say “no” when “yes” would be so much easier, all the hours and hours of whining and screaming and all the countless meltdowns.

I am willing to go through all of it to teach my children that character is more important than comfort.

Beacuse, they are -and always will be- worth it![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

2 Responses to “The Conviction of Motherhood (Building Trust With Your Kids)”

  1. Melissa says:

    Love this, good reminders to say what you mean and mean what you say!

Leave a Reply